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A fic that should go there:
Harry Potter and Fate's Debt by Intromit
"Hermione was sitting straight up, but unlike usual, she did not wear a face of rapt attention, but one of announce – obviously still made about house elf treatment. Dumbledore’s next statement though caused everyone to complete attention to him."
"“Spew?” asked a fearful wrong." I had no idea that abstract concepts took an interest in Hermione's pursuits.
"“Founding members?” Ron ejaculated his fearful expression during to abject panic." So...he got rid of his face?
"Ron and Hermione were stunned and quickly agreed to help research ways to get passed a dragon." Well, one would stand next to someone trying to get rid of it, I would think.
And...new branches of magic! "Severus had not taken the news that he would be teaching Harry Potter Occulumency well," quite possibly because no one has ever heard of it.
I think that says it all. A face of announce? A fearful wrong? This person obviously needs English lessons (some of the verb tenses suggest that English is not their first, or even second, language). The plot changes have about the same level of coherency.
A fic that should go there:
Harry Potter and Fate's Debt by Intromit
"Hermione was sitting straight up, but unlike usual, she did not wear a face of rapt attention, but one of announce – obviously still made about house elf treatment. Dumbledore’s next statement though caused everyone to complete attention to him."
"“Spew?” asked a fearful wrong." I had no idea that abstract concepts took an interest in Hermione's pursuits.
"“Founding members?” Ron ejaculated his fearful expression during to abject panic." So...he got rid of his face?
"Ron and Hermione were stunned and quickly agreed to help research ways to get passed a dragon." Well, one would stand next to someone trying to get rid of it, I would think.
And...new branches of magic! "Severus had not taken the news that he would be teaching Harry Potter Occulumency well," quite possibly because no one has ever heard of it.
I think that says it all. A face of announce? A fearful wrong? This person obviously needs English lessons (some of the verb tenses suggest that English is not their first, or even second, language). The plot changes have about the same level of coherency.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-11 05:27 pm (UTC)I've seen similar things when a 'writer' finishes a story and then they seem to come running at it with a thesaurus....I wish I could find the one particular story I have in mind...it made my eyes bleed!
no subject
Date: 2007-02-12 02:39 am (UTC)"Silver walked into the room. Duo said hi. Silver walked out of the room. She got on her bike and went to the mountains. Silver got off her bike and went into the secret mountain base."
There was a Doctor X. New Gundams. It was awful. I got through 2 of the excruciatingly short chapters before wanting to stab out my eyes.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-12 11:45 am (UTC)Heero - Heera
Duo - Dua
and so forth utterly ridiculous!
Originality going negative
Date: 2007-02-12 06:26 pm (UTC)Please tell me you're joking. Please.
That's just...really bad.
Re: Originality going negative
Date: 2007-02-12 06:30 pm (UTC)But I'm not...it's probably still on FF.net if you were to search for it
Re: Originality going negative
Date: 2007-02-12 06:33 pm (UTC)Re: Originality going negative
Date: 2007-02-12 06:36 pm (UTC)